


“I cursed the gloom that set upon us, But I know that I love you so…” (EN)

by lo_ki



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Apocalypse, End of the World, Heavy Angst, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt Sam Winchester, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Open to Interpretation, Sacrifice Castiel (Supernatural), Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:40:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27148183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lo_ki/pseuds/lo_ki
Summary: [Suptober Day 22] - [Dean's POV]Warning: Characters deaths and description of a “possibility” to the end of season 15. If you’re sensitive to the end of the show, please be careful. I made myself cry while writing it so I don’t want to trigger anyone. (Well, I'm a sensitive crybaby tho).
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 5
Collections: Suptober 2020 (EN)





	“I cursed the gloom that set upon us, But I know that I love you so…” (EN)

“Sammy! Hold on. Come on, you can do it.”

I couldn’t hide the distress in my voice anymore. Sammy was in a bad shape, exhausted and a lot of wounds on his body. I was exhausted too, and bloody as Hell. But my brother’s state was more important than my broken carcass. Sam was alive but so tired, he didn’t have any strength left. I clicked my tongue on my teeth and looked around me. The red sky and the stormy clouds made the landscapes very gloomy. The thunder was growling. Heaven was falling and the destruction of Hell was making the ground tremble. Monsters, Angels, Demons, Humans, everyone was either fighting with madness or hiding in order to survive. This was the end. Our world was ending as Chuck decided it so. We tried to fight back. God is hurt and Amara too but they ran away, Jack and Billie chasing them. We tried to follow them but we had to protect our people. It was awful. We lost so many people. Charlie and Bobby from the Apocalyptical world – losing them again. Garth. Donna. Claire. Kaia. Patience. Well… Only Jody and Alex were still alive, if we can call being seriously injured and broken on the inside being “alive”. Everyone fought bravely but almost everyone died, and now my little brother was exhausted and I couldn’t let him die too.

I saw Baby on a corner, still alive. I nodded to myself and looked at Sam, semi-conscious.

“Okay, Sammy. Imma carry you to the Impala. I will take care of you, little brother. Hold on.”

I didn’t expect an answer so I immediately carried my giant and heavy brother. Some of my wounds opened again with the effort and it hurt like Hell but I had to keep going. And that’s what I did. I managed to put Sam in the car, in the passenger seat. I entered the car too and started it. I drove until we were in Lawrence, Kansas, where all had begun. The bunker was gone so he didn’t have a home anymore. But we had Baby. I stopped the car under a shelter made of metal sheets. Jody was here with Alex. The young woman was trying to heal her adoptive mother. When they saw Sam, their faces crumpled even more. There was no hope in their eyes anymore, and to be honest, I was no longer sure if I still had an ounce of hope left in me either. I sighed and put Sam on a kind of hospital bed we brought here. I bandaged my brother as much as I could and let him rest. I went out of the shelter and looked around me, the city of Lawrence or what was left of it. Most of the houses were destroyed. It was silent like in a graveyard.

Suddenly, I heard a car passing by us. I turned my head and saw Cas. My face crumpled, all my worry faded as I saw him still being alive. He just had the time to get out of the car that I rushed into his arms, gripping him like I was gripping to life. He was still alive.

“Son of a bitch, you scared me to death.” I said in an accusatory tone.

“I’m sorry, Dean… I’m here…”

I immediately withdrew. I didn’t like the way he was speaking. I looked at the angel with a frowny face. He was more tired than ever. He sighed and looked at me with a sad face.

“I may have found a way to help Jack and Billie. But I don’t know how much it will cost me.”

“No. Don’t say something like this whereas I only found you again.” I said, raising my voice.

“Dean, if there is any chance to save this world and save you and what is left of our family, I will take this opportunity, no matter what.”

“No matter what? You mean, ‘no matter if you have to die’?!”

I began to feel tears of anger and distress. No. He couldn’t do this to me. Castiel sighed again.

“Maybe I won’t die… Maybe I will just… give up on my grace.”

It was like my world was collapsing around me – well it was really collapsing though. Cas was ready to sacrifice himself, again. It was unfair. So unfair. I discovered my feelings toward him not so long ago and we… We have been dating since then and… No. I couldn’t accept that. Not anymore. I couldn’t let him go with Jack while I’m standing here with my poor brother. I had to do something too. I had to. I was unable to pronounce a damn word at the moment, everything was stuck in my throat. I was always bad with words anyway. But I really needed to tell Cas everything, but I couldn’t, as usual. 

Castiel cupped my face with one hand and stroked my cheek with his thumb. He gave me a faint smile, his beautiful and deep blue eyes immersing themselves into my green ones.

“I cursed the gloom that set upon us, But I know that I love you so…”

“So what…? You are ready to sacrifice yourself again?” I said, almost whispering.

I congratulated myself for having been able to say something. But I immediately focused on Castiel again, my speedy heartbeat hitting my chest.

“If it’s for saving you and the others, then yes. If I can only sacrifice my grace, then it’s better.”

“But Cas… Your grace…”

“It would be like this Elf woman who sacrificed her immortality for the man she loves, in the Lord of the Rings. You showed me those movies.”

I shook my head, making a humorless chuckle. A part of me was proud that Castiel had this freaking reference but this conversation and the price behind it were too serious. I gripped Castiel’s trenchcoat and squeezed it.

“Cas, we are not in a movie, this is real…” I said almost with a strangled voice.

Castiel erased my tears with his thumb and rested his forehead against mine. We both closed our eyes, our breaths mixing together. We remained silent for long minutes until I felt my angel kissing my forehead.

“I have to try.” He said. “I need to try and give Jack more power so he can have a chance to survive. I’ve been human before, so, I can be human again. If it means to survive and save this world, I’ll accept my fate.”

While speaking, Castiel put a little paper with something written on it in my hand. I frowned and looked at Cas with a confused face. 

“Take Jody, Alex and your brother to the Impala and go to this address. It’s not that far. Maybe one-hour-drive from here. I can’t tell you everything because I don’t even know myself, but go there. We will meet each other again in this place, I promise.”

“Promise me I will find you there alive.” I said nervously.

Castiel lowered his head. I sighed and bit my lips in order not to sob. Of course he couldn’t be sure of that. It was stupid from me to ask this from him. I swallowed hard and nodded, whispering a soft “okay”. My angel was about to say something but I couldn’t hear more of it. So, I cupped his angelic face and crashed my lips into his, kissing him as if it was the last time – and maybe it was. Castiel returned it and we kissed each other for long seconds, even minutes, simply enjoying this moment, having his body against mine, tasting his soft lips. I hated chick flick moments but right now, I didn’t fucking care if I looked like a wife saying goodbye to his husband whose going to war. I didn’t want a farewell and yet, maybe it was. We withdrew our lips just in order to breathe and sniff, tears rolling down our cheeks.

“I love you so much…” I said in a sobbing whisper.

“I love you, Dean Winchester. I will always love you.”

“Fuck, I wish our story would have begun way sooner than six fucking months.” I managed to say, my lips shaking too much.

“Our story began the day I raised you from perdition.” Castiel said before kissing me again.

I sobbed against my angel’s lips. He tried to soothe me one last time before withdrawing completely. He took my hand and stroked it.

“See you there, Dean…”

“See ya, Cas…”

I looked at my guardian angel, my savior, my lover, going into his car, looking at me one last time before starting the car and driving away from me. I guessed my heart went with him because at the moment I couldn’t feel a damn thing. I stayed there, alone, for a few seconds before passing a tired hand over my face, wiping my tears away. I looked behind me and saw that Sammy was looking at me too. Shit, he saw it. He saw me, all weak and hopeless, and broken. I took a deep breath and walked toward him. Now, I had to follow the plan. To go to the place Cas told me to. I needed to be strong for my little brother. For Jody and Alex. For Jack. For Cas. I needed to keep fighting. Until the end. No matter what. Because that’s what we always did.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for this sad OS, I tried to make an open ending but... meh...


End file.
